Goat's Date Gets Ruined
by Will X
Summary: Rat ruins Goat's date. One shot.


**This was an idea I had from a storyline where Rat works for the NSA, tapes the phone of Goat, and says "Smooth" when Goat tells a lady goat named 'Jenny' how he feels. I also incorporated a strip where Goat makes Pig his wingman, but Pig puts on literal wings and ruins any chance Goat has, and then I added the crocs and neighbor Bob for effect. It took a bit of an apocalypse turn towards the end, with the neighborhood on fire and Pig looking like a demon.**

* * *

Jenny's car pulled up to Goat's street.

"Well, this is my stop." Goat said. The two got out of the car and walked towards Goat's front door. They paused on the stoop, their eyes meeting for just a moment. "I never really noticed this before, but you have beautiful eyes." Jenny blushed, and the two of them started moving closer, slowly, when...

"OH, SMOOTH!" came a voice. A voice Goat knew all to well. A voice he had hoped would be off at some bar. But no such luck. The voice in question belonged to a rat, a rat that was now emerging from the bushes.

"Dear God, no." muttered Goat. Jenny was confused. She started backing away from him, a little quicker.

"BEHOLD, FEMALE! WINGMAN SAYS 'KISS THE GOAT!"' That voice was the second voice Goat was hoping to avoid that night. It belonged to a pig. A pig who was now descending from Goat's rood with wings protruding from his back, almost as if he was an angel. "I SAID KISS HIM! KISS THE GOAT!" The rat was now hurling insults about Goat's mother and started jumping on Jenny's car.

Then another voice, no _several_ voices took up a chant a few houses down. "Larry gonna eet da goat. Larry gonna eet da goat!" Jenny, Goat, Rat, and Pig all turned and looked. The chant was coming from the fraternity house of Zeeba Zeeba Eeta, a fraternity of crocs down the block. They head left Goat alone in the past, but it seemed they had finally decided to find out how he tasted. It seems they were having a midnight pool party, except there was a large catapult, and Larry the croc, holding a butter knife and a torch and wearing a wig, was getting into the catapult, which seemed to be aimed at Goat.

"Oh Goad no. Please no" whispered Goat. This night was bad enough already.

"Hey Goat. Here's your 'How to cope with loneliness' CD back." That voice belonged to neighbor Bob, blissfully unaware of the chaos around him, the Rat defacing Jenny's car, the pig flying around him, Jenny huddling in corner, the goat struggling to contain his rage. Goat, ignoring Bob, looked back at the fraternity house, where Larry was now sitting in the catapult waiting to be launched. The crocs parted, allowing one with an ax to come through. The ax fell, chopping the string that held Larry in place, launching him into the air. However, the torch set fire to Larry's wig. He started screaming, dropping the torch and knife. The knife flew into the control mechanism for the crane that was keeping Pig aloft. He bounced for a second, then started swinging around in random directions. The lit torch flew into the open gad tank of Jenny's car. Rat had just enough time to jump away from the vehicle before Jenny's car was enveloped in a fireball. Pig flew through the flames, setting his wings on fire.

Larry, with his flaming hair, landed on the roof of Goat's house, setting it on fire. The flames spread to Neighbor Bob's house, then to the croc's fraternity house. Larry jumped into Goat's pool dousing his hair. He looked around before climbing out of the pool and scurrying off into the woods, hoping that it would all have died down by the time he returned.

The crane changed direction, jerking Pig towards the now-flaming fraternity house backyard, full of crocs running around with farm equipment and water guns, trying in vain to put out the fire. Pig flew through the ice cream table, with two cones getting stuck to his head, like horns. He then attempted to slow himself down by grabbing a tree but to no avail. One croc ( his name was Jo-Jo, and he liked _The Sopranos_ ) grabbed onto Pig in a desperate attempt to free himself from the chaos, unaware that everywhere else in the neighborhood was just as bad. Pig managed to through him off, but not before taking his pitchfork.

Goat, meanwhile, was trying to comfort Jenny.

"I'm sorry about your car. I really am. I should have walked home. Yes, I should have."

"You mean you thought something like this would happen?" the female goat moaned. "I hate you!"

"Man, you _suck_ at dating." said a voice from behind Goat. He whirled around to find himself face-to-face with Rat.

"You". He hissed. Rat just smirked. Goat had put up with a lot. His date wanted to kill him, his house was on fire, and his car was being stolen by a group of crocs. But the smirk from the rat with the God complex was too much. "YAAAHHHHHH!" Goat lunged towards Rat, colliding in a tangle of limbs.

* * *

Zebra was babysitting his niece Joy.

"So, you see Uncle Zebra" she was saying "My bible study instructor was warning how these are the end times and we all better repent lest we go to hell."

"Joy, I can assure you that these are not the 'end times'. Why just look outside at the peaceful neighborhood." He opened her curtains. The better part of the 'peaceful neighborhood was on fire. The crocs were engaged in a shootout with police. Rat and Goat were trying to kill each other. A demon (Pig) was flying around screaming. Zebra's eyes widened. "What was that you were saying about repentance?" He asked his niece.


End file.
